


you know, friendship and general hypocrisy

by unseeliekey



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, M/M, Texting, Trans Magnus Burnsides, bc i do what i like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21570895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unseeliekey/pseuds/unseeliekey
Summary: trans people can commit arson - holy shittrans people can commit arson - just saw dadnport fucking come in and rescue Magnus and march him out of the dormstrans people can commit arson - (am in the common room btw)trans people can commit arson - and then he hauls out this giant fucking monster dogtrans people can commit arson - even bigger than it looked in the picturetrans people can commit arson - so anyway apparently magnus is getting a rabies shot now
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Carey Fangbattle/Killian, Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), perhaps more.....
Comments: 25
Kudos: 232





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> back on my shit in a new account  
> you can probably guess the names but just in case
> 
> Maggie :) !! - Magnus  
> you know, from tv - Taako  
> I'm not that old - Merle  
> trans people can commit arson - Lup  
> lonely author - Lucretia  
> very sexy, very sensual - Barry  
> davenport - Davenport  
> fangbattle is my real last name i promise - Carey  
> KILL-ian - killian

[Open chat: _whoever has the notes from psychology please hmu -carey_ ]

**Maggie :) !!** \- GUYA

 **Maggie :) !!** \- GUYS

**Maggie :) !! -** _@everyone_

_Maggie :) !!_ has attached 3 images.

 **Maggie :) !! -** DOG

**you know, from tv -** wow im so glad you texted me at three am so i could see this great dog

**trans people can commit arson -** DOG!!!!!!!!!!

**Maggie :) !! -** DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**very sexy, very sensual -** holy shit that's a messed up dog

**very sexy, very sensual -** wait is that in the dorms

**Maggie :) !! -** please dont tell lucretia!!

**very sexy, very sensual -** LUCRETIA IS IN THIS ACTUAL CHAT

**you know, from tv -** _@lonelyauthor_

**trans people can commit arson -** taako you bitch

**you know, from tv -** :-)

**very sexy, very sensual -** the chaotic energy of that smiley face.......

**Maggie :) !! -** TAAKO WHY

 **Maggie :) !! -** shes gonna be so mad

**I'm not that old -** oh thats a cute dog!

 **I'm not that old -** i'm sure it'll be fine, magnus she probably won't even be that jad

**lonelyauthor -** _NO DOGS IN THE DORMS._

**I'm not that old -** *that mad

**t** **rans people can commit arson -** merle blease

_you know, from tv_ has changed the chat name to _NO DOGS IN THE DORMS_

**Maggie :) !! -** :(

**lonelyauthor -** Magnus, I love you

 **lonelyauthor -** But I will get in so much Shit if I let you keep an animal in the dorms

**Maggie :) !! -** :(((((((((

**KILL-ian -** who the fuck pinged me its 3 am

**Maggie :) !! -** i got a dog!!!!!

**KILL-ian -** oh cool

 **KILL-ian -** tell julia i told her to break up with you

**lonelyauthor -** MAGNUS YOU CAN'T KEEP THE DOG

**trans people can commit arson -** omg stop bullying him

[Open chat: you _know, from tv_ and _skullboy_ ]

**you know, from tv -** my fucking idiot friend just brought a stray dog into the dorms

**skullboy -** Isn't that like.... super against the rules?

**you know, from tv -** yeah lol

 **you know, from tv -** also it looks like it has rabies

 **you know, from tv -** it looks like it was chucked into a meat grinder full of dirt and hate

 **you know, from tv -** i cannot stress what a horrible looking dog this is

**skullboy -** If anyone gets bitten, make sure they get a rabies shot as soon as possible. It's one of the deadliest diseases ever. Tell Magnus to be careful.

 **skullboy -** Actually, any contact with saliva or any bodily fluids should probably get checked out if it really looks that bad. Rabies is an awful way to go.

 **skullboy-** By the time the symptoms start showing (fever, erratic behaviour, dehydration, horrible pain) it's too late.

**you know, from tv -** god i love it when you talk dirty

[Open chat: _NO DOGS IN THE DORMS]_

**Maggie :) !! -** just one night lucretia i promise he'll be good

**lonelyauthor -** Magnus, I'm sorry, but as your RA it would look really bad...

**you know, from tv -** hey my boyfriend says that if any of you get drool on you you need a rabies shot so you better hop down to the hospice my good bitch

**Maggie :) !! -** he doesn't have RABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

**very sexy, very sensual -** oh my god

**lonelyauthor:** MAGNUS IT NEEDS TO GO 

**trans people can commit arson -** this is truly the worst timeline

**I'm not that old -** Taako, you should invite your boyfriend to this chat!

 **I'm not that old -** We already have about.... nine people here. Let's make it ten!

**lonelyauthor -** MAGNUS YOU BETTER BE GETTING THAT DOG OUT RIGHT NOW

**you know, from tv -** there is no way i am exposing my sexy, fancy, genius composer-doctor boyfriend to this

 **you know, from tv -** not until we hit our anniversary, at least

**KILL-ian -** you moved in at eight months but introducing us is too much?????

**trans people can commit arson -** (ive met him)

 **trans people can commit arson -** (got those hot sibling benys)

**Maggie :) !! -** HE BIT ME HE BIT ME HELP

 **Maggie :) !! -** AM I GOING TO DIE TAAKO

 **Maggie :) !! -** DO I HAVE RABIES

**you know, from tv -** case in point

**lonelyauthor -** Oh my god. 

**lonelyauthor -** That's it, I'm texing Davenport.

[Open chat: _lonelyauthor_ and _davenport_ ]

**lonelyauthor -** So Magnus brought a dog into the dorms

**davenport -** Again???

**lonelyauthor -** And it bit him and Taako thinks it might have-

 **lonelyauthor -** sorry what

**davenport -** Okay, I'll handle it.

[Open chat: _NO DOGS IN THE DORMS_ ]

**trans people can commit arson -** holy shit

 **trans people can commit arson -** just saw dadnport fucking come in and rescue Magnus and march him out of the dorms

 **trans people can commit arson -** (am in the common room btw)

 **trans people can commit arson -** and then he hauls out this giant fucking monster dog 

**trans people can commit arson -** even bigger than it looked in the picture

 **trans people can commit arson -** so anyway apparently magnus is getting a rabies shot now

**lonelyauthor -** Oh god.

**davenport -** He'll be alright, everyone, just a little shaken. It might not have even had rabies, this is just a precaution. Magnus will be fine

 **davenport -** But on that note, please don't bring animals into the dorms.

 **davenport -** Especially not potentially rabid strays.

 **davenport -** At three am.

**I'm not that old -** you got it, boss!

**davenport -** Also, Lup

 **davenport -** Very nice username but please don't commit arson

**trans people can commit arson -** i would NEVER, captain professor davenport!

**davenport -** Alright. I'm going to go back to holding Magnus' hand now.

 **davenport -** Have a good night, everyone.

**trans people can commit arson -** night!

**lonelyauthor -** Goodnight, professor :)

**you know, from tv -** make sure he doesn't cry too much

**trans people can commit arson -**.....is he gone

**lonelyauthor** \- why?

[ _trans people can commit arson_ has changed their name to _trans people can and SHOULD commit arson_ ]

**trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** >:)

**lonelyauthor -** Lup no

**trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** lup YES

**you know, from tv -** this is what happens when she doesn't have barold's soothing, nerdy influence

**I'm not that old -** you kids are crazy

**you know, from tv-** please dont say that

**trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** omg kind of related but barry is curled up in my lap right now and he looks so cute and soft and his glasses have fallen off and i love him

**lonelyauthor -** aww

**you know, from tv -** gross.

**trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** anyway i think im gonna head to sleep too i have class in like... four hours lmao

 **trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** so do you, taako, actually

**you know, from tv -** you're not my mom

**lonelyauthor -** Oh my GOD why are we all awake. Everyone go to bed!!

**you know, from tv -** okay mom

_(several hours later)_

[Open chat: NO DOGS IN THE DORMS]

**fangbattle is my real last name i promise -** holy fuck what did i miss


	2. no rabies (yet)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! i made the terrible decision to start a fanfic in the middle of exams, which is why... three weeks. but im done (hooray)
> 
> thank you for all your lovely comments i got too shy to reply directly but they were all very inspiring and... i love you? i hope you enjoy this chapter too i will reply soon maybe im shy

[Open chat: _NO DOGS IN THE DORMS_ ]

**Maggie :) !! -** guys im BACK and im ALIVE

 _Maggie :) !!_ has attached 3 photos.

 **Maggie :) !! -** had to get stitches :(

**fangbattle is my real last name i promise-** god youre such a himbo

**Maggie :) !! -** :(

 **Maggie :) !! -** ur meant to be my bff

**fangbattle is my real last name i promise -** its ok himbos are in right now

**hey jules -** *that one tiktok that goes thats my type thats my type thats my type tha*

**Maggie :) !! -** JUL

 **Maggie :) !! -** JULES

 **Maggie :) !! -** IM SORRY I LOST THE DOG

**hey jules -** BE MORE SORRY ABOUT THE RABIES YOUR ARM LOOKS AWFUL 

**hey jules -** if you die is2g

**Maggie :) !! -** i cant die!

**fangbattle is my real last name i promise -** god hes so powerful

**I'm not that old-** good to hear your ok maggie!!!!!!!!

 **I'm not that old -** *you're

**you know, from tv -** get that proper grammar shit out of here

**Maggie :) !! -** taako!!!!!!!

 **Maggie :) !! -** i met your boyfriend!!!!!!!

**you know, from tv -** wait what

**Maggie :) !! -** he fixed up my arm :)

 **Maggie :) !! -** you didn't tell me he was british?

**fangbattle is my real last name i promise-** wait he's BRITISH?

**hey jules -** we all have our flaws

**you know, from tv -** wait what

[Open chat: _you know, from tv_ and _skullboy_ ]

 **you know, from tv -** krav

 **you know, from tv -** kravitz

 **you know, from tv -** my darling little bird

 **you know, from tv -** care to let me know why magnus just told me you were british??

**skullboy -** oh god.

**you know, from tv -** did he hit his head as well as get bitten?

**skullboy -** no, it's totally my fault.

 **skullboy -** I

**you know, from tv -** go onnnnnnnnnnnnnn

**skullboy -** I was staying late in the clinic because Leon asked me to cover (again, ugh)

**you know, from tv -** god that guy sucks

**skullboy -** I KNOW

 **skullboy -** Anyway I get called in because some guy needs stitches and a rabies shot

 **skullboy -** And I thought "huh, that's a funny coincidence"

 **skullboy -** So I go in and he takes one look at my name tag and he gasps 

**skullboy -** and he says "you're KRAVITZ!"

 **skullboy -** And I looked down at his arm

 **skullboy -** And I knew it was Magnus 

**skullboy -** And

**you know, from tv -** what???

**skullboy -** I just,,,,,,,,, panicked

 **skullboy -** I was like "oh god it's taako's friend it's his really close friend I need to make a good impression I'm not ready for this"

 **skullboy -** I just really wanted him to think I was.... smart? and good at my job?

 **skullboy -** And I opened my mouth and 

**skullboy -** just the worst

 **skullboy -** the worst cockney accent comes out 

**skullboy -** and I couldn't go back because he'd think I was insane

 **skullboy -** So I spent a good hour working on his arm and then keeping an eye on him to make sure he wasn't reacting to the vaccine, the whole time making small talk in this hell I created for myself

 **skullboy -** I was trapped in a torment I should have foreseen, like Sisyphus on his dying bed knowing how inescapable his punishment should be

 **skullboy -** I was in the ninth layer of hell, Taako

 **skullboy -** I'm so embarrassed

[Open chat: _NO DOGS IN THE DORMS_ ]

**trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** what the fuck it's five in the morning and I just heard Taako laughing from like three rooms away 

**trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** what's so funny that you need to wake me up at this ungodly hour

**Maggie :) !! -** you were awake two hours ago?

**trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** exactly

 **trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** _@you know, from tv_ explain

**you know, from tv -** you wouldn't get it

**trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** YOU'RE STILL LAUGHING I CAN HEAR YOU

 **trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** WHAT'S THE JOKE

**you know, from tv -** just thought about magnus having to explain how he got injured to the campus medical department

**Maggie :) !! -** :( it was very embarrassing

 **Maggie :) !! -** especially because I was trying to make a good impression in front of taako's posh boyfriend 

**you know, from tv -** poSH?

**trans people can and SHOULD commit arson -** o shit you met kravitz?

**Maggie :) !! -** yeah!!!

 **Maggie :) !! -** he was super nice

 **Maggie :) !! -** he gave me a lollipop and said i had been a very brave boy

 **Maggie :) !! -** and then he left the room very quickly for some reason

**lonelyauthor -** Guys

 **lonelyauthor -** Why is Taako laughing so much

 **lonelyauthor -** It's 5:13

**you know, from tv -** oh, nothing.

_fangbattle is my real last name i promise_ has attached 1 image.

 **fangbattle is my real last name i promise-** bout to go and fight this dog for my boy magnus

**lonelyauthor -** IT'S 5:14 AM 

**fangbattle is my real last name i promise-** crime never rests amiright

**trans people can and should commit arson -** are you committing the crime or is the dog

**fangbattle is my real last name i promise-** both

**Maggie :) !! -** DO NOT FIGHT THE DOG IT'S NOT HIS FAULT

 **Maggie :) !! -** you look very cool though :)

**fangbattle is my real last name i promise-** thanks homie

**Maggie :) !! -** please use that cool knife on a steak and not a dog

**fangbattle is my real last name i promise-** no promises

**trans people can and should commit arson -** HOLY FUCK I HAVE CLASS IN LIKE TWO HOURS

**Maggie :) !! -** HA i get time off this morning to recover

**lonelyauthor -** So do I 

**fangbattle is my real last name i promise-** go to sleep idiots

**trans people can and should commit arson -** I CAN'T TAAKO'S STILL LAUGHING 

**trans people can and should commit arson -** HE'S ON THE PHONE WITH SOMEONE 

**Maggie :) !! -** tell him to shut up he needs to sleep too

**lonelyauthor -** Tell him that if he isn't quiet I will personally kill him.

**hey jules -** Mags i'm coming over with soup and season four of the bachelor

 **hey jules -** just skip class guys its fine

**Maggie :) !! -** julia,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i lov,,,,,,,,,,,

**hey jules -** <3

**trans people can and should commit arson -** don't tempt me

 **trans people can and should commit arson -** uggghhh i'll only skip if barry does and he's still asleep so he won't want to 

**trans people can and should commit arson -** i mean i would hang with taako but he will not be conscious

**lonelyauthor -** ...why not?

**trans people can and should commit arson -** bc he'll be SLEEPING

 **trans people can and should commit arson -** i'm not gonna KILL HIM 

**lonelyauthor -** Just checking.

**Maggie :) !! -** you can come watch the bachelor with us if you want!!!!

**hey jules -** yeah that would be fun!

**trans people can and should commit arson -** omg... can i

 **trans people can and should commit arson -** i don't want to third wheel though

**Maggie :) !! -** no it'll be nice!

**hey jules -** magnus and i are both Big and have Big arms

 **hey jules -** room for one more in cuddle sessions

**Maggie :) !! -** this is why i love you

**hey jules -** because of my Big arms for Big hugs?

**Maggie :) !! -** yes

**trans people can and should commit arson -** ok hell yea im in

 **trans people can and should commit arson -** we in magnus' room right?

**hey jules -** yea

 **hey jules -** this invitation extends to you too, luc!

 **hey jules -** Big arms for three people

**lonelyauthor -** Would that I could. 

**lonelyauthor -** It sounds lovely but I have an important class :(

**Maggie :) !! -** we'll just have to cuddle extra at movie night

**you know, from tv -** GOD you guys see each other every day we don't need elaborate cuddle schedules just give her a fucking hug at lunch 


End file.
